yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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