he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
