This girl is more easily done than said...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
