My first STD was from a foam party
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
