Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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