she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
