I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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