How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
