First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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