He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
wow bdsm is so cute
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
