rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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