I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
