Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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