I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
