So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
