Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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