I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
