just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
