This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
