Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
