I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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