Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
