There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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