At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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