thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
