Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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