Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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