you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
