he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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