If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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