Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
