Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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