ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
