Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize