get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
