I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I came so hard my ears popped.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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