I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
