my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
