ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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