life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just want nice things and good sex
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
