He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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