Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
