Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
