I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
