i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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