Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
