Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
