i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
