I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My penis needs a shock collar
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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