Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
