First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
3pm strippers are depressing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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