he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
