Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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