Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
