I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
