Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The uberlube is also flammable
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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