AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
