Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
