i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
