i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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