All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
