apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
