She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
