I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
