She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
