Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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