i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
