just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you would pick up someone in the library
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
