I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize