if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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