im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
