This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
