it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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