Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
