Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize