So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
